comparing who? with what? on finding gifts

I was having a casual conversation with a couple of other moms a few weeks ago, and was alarmed at the reaction to my statement that I didn't compare the progress of my children; that is that I could not remember exactly what they were doing at three years old, when they became first showed phonemic awareness, etc. I am not NOT attuned to their cognitive development. It's just that I don't think that learning follows a linear path with milestones achieved evident at every quarter-mile.

I think that there is a bit of mystery in development that slowly reveals a child's gifts. It is only when they are past preschool, at least for mine it seems, that these gifts, some extraordinary, are made evident. So comparing a child with an aptitude for writing with a child with an aptitude for math (though not mutually exclusive, this is just an example) is harmful...and taken to the extreme borders on abusive. At least the attitude I witnessed seemed borderline to me.

If I compared either to each other, and each to the rest of the world, I would have been disappointed. It was hard when my oldest as a preschooler didn't talk much or express himself in a way that seemed normal. But now as a 10-year-old, he reads excessively (for those in the know regarding A/R points, he has 130+ this year, mid-way through the year), does well in math (except for geometry), and is adored for his good manners by his teachers.

Okay I admit it-I wonder why my other kid doesn't read more. And I wonder why he talks so much. Is something wrong with him? I do wish secretly that he read more. But he reads at and above grade level. He just doesn't read as voraciously as his big brother. But then, who does? Little brother, on the other hand, is an more-than-proficient writer who now aspires to be an author as well as a a pro baseball player.

Still I don't think I have compared in public, just privately. But, again, I admit that I have compared and become so misled in the process that I decided NOT to compare anymore.